Day 1: Shallow Love

I decided to start my 12 Days of New Years Resolutions on something I experienced a whole lot throughout this year.

They say not to start on a negative but is it really a negative if you get a good lesson from it?

Before I start, I just want to say that I have been in between assignments and my dissertation(!!) hence why there’s a lack of blogs. Also I’m beginning to realise I don’t have to post because an event has happened but because I want to share what I’ve learnt in my life with you guys … hey I guess this is a blog with a topic after all. Ha!

So, let’s begin.

For me the opposite of unconditional love is shallow love. The definition of shallow love [ref: Dictionary of Farielle, est. 1996] is

a relationship, whether romantic or platonic, where feelings don’t run as deep as you think they do.

And this is even with friends you feel like are super close to you.

So, an example can be, when something happens and either party decides that they will come up with their own conclusions before talking to you. [Guilty of doing this earlier this year… I have apologised for it {and had it happen to me literally all of this year}].

I am a big believer in things coming back to you, to reap what you sow, or karma, if you will. I do believe that God did not like how shallow my love was earlier in the year, and decided to give it back to me tenfold, by different types of people. So, with this one I do complain about the situation, but I try not to complain as much as I feel like I’ve brought it upon myself.

Plus I do believe in speaking things into existence. Which I believe I did.

In January whilst talking to someone on the phone I said to them “I feel like this year, I’m going to get testing on my friendships. Like a lot”. Two weeks after, the first test started. And it’s been a nonstop test on my friendships, my faith and my emotions, including my reactions.

I won’t go into details about my tests, but rather what I’ve learnt from my own mistakes and the mistakes of others who’ve done the same onto me.

Lesson:

Being shallow is to just touch the surface, when it comes to loving someone else. Not getting to know them deeper. Not trying to love them, flaws and all, no matter how much they sometimes make you want to hit them with the rounders bat on your night stand.

Being shallow is also being selfish. It’s a selfish kind of love. It’s a kind of love that says “this person hurt me so I’m never going to talk to them about how I feel, or the situation, or to them”. Leaving the other person confused because they’re not in the know.

That’s selfish, because the other party is entitled to know. And let’s face it, we’re all guilty of doing this at some point in our lives.

That’s what happens when we’re in pain. We want to focus on our own emotions because that’s what matters the most, which is 100% true! Our well-being is most important, but …

is it really helping our wellbeing or the wellbeing of the other person, by keeping all this anger in us? Or would it help for us to talk to the person about how we feel?

I feel like I, and the people I have been hurt by this year, have struggled with this, but I for one am glad that I have learnt from it.

Resolution:

In 2019 my resolution to fix my shallow love is to talk more about how I feel to others. But especially to myself because I have realised that sometimes I don’t know how I’m really feeling, because I don’t want to know or feel so I keep all my feelings in what I like to call my Pandora’s Trunk.

My resolution is to also think about how the other person must be feeling before I decide to ostracise them due to something they might not know hurt me in the way it did.

Guys, in 2019 we need to start loving deeply!! We need to start thinking,

can this be solved by talking, sharing my feelings openly and loving this person deeply?***

In 2019 we leave those who love shallowly, drop our own selfish love and starting loving deeply and find those who love us just as deeply.

In 2019, we will be taking our lessons with us.

***Obviously this is harder to apply to serial shallow lovers, but it’s up to you to see when enough is enough, and when it’s time for you to break from any toxic relationship!

Hope you guys have taken in what I’ve said and feel some form of relatability towards it.

I also hope you’re able to learn from your own mistakes from shallow Love, if you showed any this year or ever, and take it with you to 2019 and onwards.

And that’s all she wrote.

F A R I E L L E. N