Day 3: Identity Crisis

I’m 22. And it’s normal for me to sometimes question who I am, what makes me happy and what I really want to do.

I went through this weird identity crisis around this time last year, but due to being too busy to notice why I constantly felt drained and down, it only dawned on me when everything had died down.

During this time I was going through an identity crisis, as you do in your early 20’s, and I tried to find myself again not knowing I was putting my everything into everyone, and not having enough of ‘me’ for myself (go back and read Self Love blog).

I had to find myself any way that felt like me ‘doing what I wanted to do’ because I thought that this was me knowing who I was.

I’ll tell you it’s, been hard because I really didn’t know exactly how to get out of it and I thought I was going crazy. I though “people don’t go through these crisis until their in the 40’s, why me? Why now??”

So obviously, if you know me you know I like learning and researching when I have questions, (the psychology degree is making more sense now). So I googled!

Apparently it’s a thing, but not until the age of 25 years of age. The questions/statements I read on Independent correlated with what I was feeling.

What is my purpose? And how the hell do I figure that out?!! I want to explore the world but I need a good paying job and get my career going! What the hell do I do???

God gave us a purpose but doesn’t mean we immediately know what it is or how to get there. We have to do some major soul searching!

So after a lot of praying, conversations with a few people and a lot of googling, I was walking to the bus stop after doing an overnight shift when it randomly dawned on me what I really wanted to do. “Well it’s about bloody time”

Obviously I still have to figure out how to get there, how to travel and still have a good paying job, which now saying it out loud seems near enough impossible, but anything is possible.

Lesson:

Through this I learnt that … I’m boring. I had no hobbies! It was church, work, uni, work, church, maybe a hang out here or there and the cycle continued. I didn’t really have a life.

I learnt that because my life was boring with no hobbies, I waiting on peoples hobbies or for people to come and do things with me, but we all know that most of the time that means it never happens.

I learnt I need to grab life by the balls and go for things I want to do if people can come or not. Sometimes I don’t need to ask if anyone wants to ‘come with’ on my next venture.

Resolutions:

For 2019, I did come up with these myself but I also saw it on a Forbes article online. Here are the three that I feel like resonate with me.

Be creative! I’ve already mentioned how I’d be doing that on the day 2: self love.

To stop pleasing others! I don’t need to get validation from others to feel like I’m doing something right. What I need to realise is the life I have within myself and not look for it in others. Hence the ‘go for things I want to do’. I’d put that in the lessons section too.

Trying new things! The other month I went dancing! I enjoyed it so much but with uni I haven’t been able to go back but I do plan on continuing. I already have a list of things I want to try doing which makes 2019 even more exciting!!

So far this whole 12 days thing is going well. I’m enjoying sharing, I just hope people are finding some sort of relatability what I’ve written.

Until the next blog mates…

That’s all she wrote …

F A R I E L L E. N