Day 12: Fear … less

Happy New Years you all!! ❤️🥳✨

I hope you’ve all entered the New Year with better intentions, more exciting plans and a positive attitude.

I know I have.

This has been an eventful series, might do more of these.

I enjoyed sharing and seeing what you guys thought about them.

After all that has been written in this series they were all leading to this. The real inspiration for this series.

I had enough of overthinking everything and missing out, enough of being in the same position constantly. All of the things that I spoke about were based on fears.

One most potent fear was never being enough.. for others.

I was always trying to do my best for other people, barely ever myself until this year when I had enough of that stupid mentality I have!

For 2019 I am going to fear less, and do what I want to do because I want to do it!

For 2019 I want us all to fear less and be our wonderful selves without worrying what other people are going to think about you. It’s not about them.

It’s all about you!

Go live that life of yours to the fullest!

And this concludes my 12 Days of New Years Resolutions! I honestly had so much fun writing them.

I pray for everything wonderful to come your way this year, good luck on all of your future endeavours. I love you all!!

That’s all she wrote

F A R I E L L E N.

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Day 10: Something New

I really didn’t know what to write for this one but I had it on my list for this series so it honestly will be a few words of wisdom … I hope.

Throughout the years I feel like I have done the same thing over and over again. You know what I mean?

Like the situation and the people may be different but it’s the same scenarios all over again.

I feel like with all the blogs written under this series were all based on doing something new, which is what the New Years is about.

Starting afresh.

And I know a lot of people are calling bull because everyone always says ‘New Year, new me’ every year and do not change, but there are people who have changed, you just don’t know them.

So you set that resolution and you start doing something new but remember ..

New day, new you

Don’t rely on when the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Day for you to create something new for you to do, or for you to become.

Everyday is a learning curve and everyday is an opportunity for us to start again and become new people.

Like I said, you don’t know if today is your last, so learn from your past (ooh, bars!)

Live everyday like it’s your last, but also live for the future. Find the balance between the two and live your life!

That is literally all she wrote

F A R I E L L E N.

Day 9: Stop. Breathe. Think

Inhale.

Exhale.

You ever stress so much that you just can’t breathe sometimes?

Like you can’t find your keys and you’re late for work, so you’re running around the house trying to find your keys in a hurry and you’re panicking to the point you get super frustrated and feel like the day is ruined and all of these thoughts are just running through your head and you can’t seem to stop them?!!

When these situations occur, the blood boiling, shorter breath, kind of situations you need to realise that this is how you’re feeling and react in a positive way.

Stop. Breathe. Think.

Something I find helps me a lot because I’m a natural stress head.

It’s not good for your health to be frustrated constantly, it’s bad for your heart, your blood pressure, all sorts!

These are the things I like to do when I’m angry, frustrated, bloods boiling and my breath is near enough to nonexistent:

Move away from the situation! That could be leaving the room to go elsewhere, if it’s someone, or something in that room, that’s making you feel that way, or leaving the library if it’s an assignment. Or even going on a bathroom or tea/coffee break if you’re at work. (If you’re allowed to do that).

That being said if it is someone who made you mad, go cool off elsewhere then come back when you’re not heated and talk about the situation. Not in a way that will make everything heated again though, because you’re just playing yourself. Just make sure the problem is 100% solved.

Don’t want to think everything is fine when you’re actually angry deep down.

Go for a walk! I love going for walks in general, it’s good exercise and the fresh air is great especially when you’re feeling negative emotions. But if you can go somewhere with great scenery. Makes you appreciate life a bit more.

For example, I live not too far from a country park, sometimes I go and walk around there, or for photography of the nature there, or feed the ducks (yes I’m that person [also don’t feed ducks bread please, you are killing them. Feed them wheat/corn/oats instead, it’s healthier for them, thanks]).

This just takes your mind off the situation that made you angry and you calm down.

Count to 10! Inhale … exhale .. 1 … repeat. That’s how you should count. Again because your concentrating on your breathing and the counting, you don’t have time to think about what you were mad about anymore.

Listen to calming music! For me it helps sometimes. I think instrumentals helps a little bit more than songs with lyrics because sometimes they can reflect how you’re feeling and just make you feel worse. Or sometimes you just want to think but can’t concentrate before of the words.

Do yoga! If you can. Don’t get angry and start doing yoga in a Costa or Starbucks, although Starbucks might love it, it’s probably best to do it in the right environment. But yoga is so calming, not gonna lie. Feel like a whole new person after yoga.

Plus you spend about 20 minutes trying to figure out how to do some next poses your body may not be used to, you’re not even angry anymore.

And lastly…

Just breathe. I have a few meditation apps (exploring which ones best for me) and it’s all about controlling your breathing, thinking about your breathing and calming yourself.

It’s similar to the counting but you have someone talking in the background with a calming voice, every so often.

I always feel better after meditation. Like a weight has been lifted, once my eyes reopen.

This went from resolutions for me that you could also use, to self-help guides, haha!

Anyway, I hope you’re all getting something from this series so far.

With that being said,

That’s all she wrote

F A R I E L L E. N

Day 8: Be The Perfect Wife

A cook. A cleaner. And a Sex Symbol. These are the ingredients chosen to create the perfect wife …

Just kidding.

Now that I’ve got your attention …

I’ve been on this earth for like what? 22 years. And since I can remember being in love, finding the one, having a great job, getting married and having kids, has always been the goal for women.

So through watching all these movies telling us that being the perfect wife is a goal, TV shows giving advice on finding the one, with marriage and kids being the end goal, sometimes us women can focus more on how to be this ‘perfect wife’ for a man we may not have even met yet.

Which leads to us spending less time perfecting ourselves, for the person we’ve known since the day we came into this world.

Ourselves.

Not only do we see this on our tv’s, social media and the internet, we hear it in church.

I was talking to a friend of mine about this whole thing. We spoke about how in churches the topic of marriage is spoken about more than being single.

I understand the benefits of marriage, what it can bring, both the growth and struggles, it’s spoken about often enough that I feel like I could write an assignment on it.

I’m not against marriage, I actually do want to get married in the future but it’s not my focus right now. My focus is my singleness.

But it’s all

Loving God, living for God, being good with money and marriage.

Can we just have a discussion about

Loving God, living for God, being good with money, being single and enjoying it, a bit more instead of talking about how to reach marriage?

What’s the point of having more conversations about marriage when majority, if not all of us, are single?

And what if there are people who don’t want to get married at all?

Why is singleness still a taboo? Why are we trying to be the perfect wife for someone else?

I think that we should try to become the perfect wife for ourselves.

Become the best version of yourself, for yourself.

Not for the random Joe you’re not even dating yet.

And in turn the right person will come eventually, but don’t even focus on who’s coming. Think about what you want and like because you’re here right now. Til death do you part.

You’re currently in one of the best times of your life!

You’re young. You’re single. You are free!!

You don’t have to consult anyone, but your job, when you’re going on holiday!

You don’t have to ask if the holiday is good for you and another party. It’s just you right now.

You don’t have to think about who’s going to babysit the little one when you’re going out for dinner for a few hours.

Do what you want to do, when you want to do it. No one is stopping you but yourself.

You should be living your best life!!

You’ve always wanted to go Paris? No one wants to/can come? Go man!! Do it alone.

You’ve always wanted to teach English in another country? Go do it!

You’ve always wanted to live in a different country for a year? My love, the world is literally your oyster,

carpe mundo sanguinum, babe!

(Seize the bloody world).

Take this from me.

You are your own best friend, learn to love yourself and be the perfect person for yourself because at the end of the day, all you have is yourself.

From the words of Jeannie Mai, myself and my friend

There is no one, you are the one.

And that’s all she wrote.

F A R I E L L E. N

Day 7: Treat Yo’ Self!

When I first moved out of my parents house I was so unbelievably broke I only spent £11 a week on ready meals, 49p on cordial (the drink you mix with water), I couldn’t pay half [any] of my bills (sometimes including gas and electric) and I did not buy anything extra for myself.

I could have easily asked my parents for money but I wanted to do things myself. So after those long 4 months of suffering with no money, not even student finance (SFE) and a 4hr a week contracted job that paid next to nothing, I promised myself I’d be more careful with money.

I’ll plan ahead. I’ll set a proper budget and I’ll start to plan where my money for the month is going to go. Which I did and haven’t stopped doing.

When I got my SFE, I paid for all of my bills 4 months in advance, just in time for my next SFE payment, and I became careful with where my money went.

A bit too careful.

I didn’t treat myself to anything I wanted. It was all “when I get enough money” but I have ‘enough’ money, with more than just a little extra but I got into the mindset of hoarding my money.

Look, I’m not saying that saving or being careful with money is a bad thing. It’s actually very rational, but not only do you spend wisely you also need to treat yourself in the process. Buy something that makes you feel good about yourself not just your situation.

By that I mean, paying for your bills on time and not having to worry about them until the next payment, makes you feel good about your situation.

Buying a nice dress, or watch, makes you feel good about yourself.

It’s part of self care in my eyes because you’re giving yourself something you want, even if it’s temporary happiness.

Hmm.. maybe it’s not temporary happiness, if those things are going to last for a long time.

For example, I bought a really expensive coat.

  1. Because I needed a good, warm coat for the winter
  2. It looked really good. A reversible coat!

I thought killing two birds with one stone. Anyway every time I open my shoes and coat cupboard it makes me a little bit happier to see it because I think “yeah I bought that. And when I wanna go somewhere fancy I can just turn it into a fur coat. Yup this was worth it”.

So here are the lessons for you. Because I’ve already learnt mine. ***Students.

Lessons:

***Use your SFE to pay off all of the bills until you next payment. This way you can enjoy your money without worrying about the bill for the next 3-4 months. PLUS it helps in summer if you’re staying in the same place.

Don’t hoard all your money. It’s technically not even yours anyway. And it’s not the governments either. What I’m saying is when you die you’re not taking it with you so why hoard? Enjoy your money. Enjoy your life. You don’t know what day if going to be your last.

Set a monthly budget. Get a book that’ll help you calculate your bills or make your own. Write all the things you need to pay, even the subscriptions, and calculate how much you’ll have left for yourself.

Don’t enjoy recklessly. If you know you don’t have this money you want tot spend, don’t do it! You’ll spend it and instead of happiness you’ll feel regret because not it’s like “if you didn’t buy this I could have paid for that”. Saves you from feeling like crap until your next payment.

Find money goes quicker when it’s in your account? Take the money out and use cash only! This works better because you can actually physically see your money disappearing whereas with a card you just tap it and pray to God it doesn’t get declined when you feel like you’ve used a lot of money. Take out a lump-some and only take £20 or so out with you. It’ll last.

Don’t let money get you down. Like I just mentioned, money can make us feel two emotions. Happiness. Depressed. Don’t let it get you depressed. Stay on top of the things you need to pay for. If you can avoid it don’t borrow too much money that, in the moment, you don’t know how to pay back.

Self-love!! Buy something that makes you happy once a month. A new dress. Get your nails did. Buy yourself a new wig. Even get a massage, we all need one of those at least once a month. But don’t overspend.

BUT!!!!

In the mist of treating yo’ self. Don’t forget to save. Set aside an amount you know you can give monthly to your savings.

It doesn’t need to be for anything in particular, just save.

You don’t know when you’re going to need that emergency money.

Resolution:

In 2019. I want to save more but still have enough to buy a few things for myself here and there.

I believe it’s possible to be a semi hoarder of your money but still indulge yourself in a few things that you want once in a while, when reasonable.

You’ll all find your own balance of spending wisely, saving and enjoying your money. I have.

And that’s all she wrote, kids.

F A R I E L L E. N

Day 6: Rejoice

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals🎄!!

This interview happened like a month ago but it’s Christmas, might as well give you a present.

HERE YOU GO!!

You know when you see someone on social media and you imagine how they’ll be in real life? Rejoice met my expectation.

Rejoice is a 24 year old singer from Manchester. She was born in Zimbabwe, came here at the age of 9. She studied Psychology as her undergrad and Forensic Psychology for her masters. And she has one of the most beautiful souls that I’ve ever met.

I wanted to interview Rejoice because of three reasons:

  1. She has an amazing name. Rejoice. To feel or show great joy or delight. Which I feel she does do. Immediately upon meeting Rejoice she was smiling like nobody’s business.

2. Her voice is amazing. Like … have you still not heard her song Repair and Try Again? Go listen and download now, you sillies.

3. And lastly … I wanted to see if I my expectations of her were right. They were.

So that’s why I wanted to do the interview.

Now, here’s the interview. **oh btw I is me and R is Rejoice.

I: Growing up, who would you have said is your musical influence?

R: When I was young I grew up listening to Brenda Fasi, a South African artist. But I’d say that my biggest musical influence now, someone I’ve listened to the longest, is Tory Kelly.

I: You sang one of her songs at your gig.

R: Yes! I sang Day Dream. Not only do I appreciate her as a singer/songwriter, but also as a person too. It’s a big thing for me when listening to music.

I tend to fall in love with all of what they are.

I: Before the gig where else have you performed?

R: I’ve performed in and out of Manchester. Different kind of events. ACS Events, but I never put anything out although I got to network … I do love being on stage because I get to share, not just the song but the vibe.

I: Leading up to the event, were you nervous?

R: I had fear and anxiety throughout the whole process. I sat on my bed with my phone in my hand, breathing [deeply] thinking “there’s no going back now”. I was terrified.

I: Now that the gig is done, how do you feel?

R: I feel better. Great about it … Can’t stop thinking about it, I’m so proud of myself.

I: What made you finally share your music with everyone?

R: I felt like I was sitting on something that was special to me and I should be sharing it.

We’re our biggest hindrance because you have so much self doubt, but you have something you should be sharing that’s not just for you. But you’re holding back.

I thought “if I get to 30 [years old] and I haven’t given it everything I can, it would be my biggest regret.

I: If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be?

R: Tori Kelly without a doubt in my body!

I: How do you feel about people enjoying your music?

R: It feels great and amazing. Especially from people I don’t know … It makes the difficult part of doing this so worth it!

. . .

So there you have it folks. A quick snippet into Rejoice’s interview.

You might be thinking “but Farielle, this isn’t a resolution.”

Well babe, it is a resolution, just one too personal I’m gunna keep it to myself.

My interview with Rejoice really triggered a few things in me, inspirationally. How? That’s what I’m going to keep to myself.

And that’s all she wrote, folks.

F A R I E L L E. N

Day 5: Church Snob

Hi. My name is Farielle. And I’m a church snob.

Well .. I was.

Church snob; someone who forgets why they’re Christian, becomes judgy and only their church is doing things right.

I came to realise this when I was having a conversation about churches and I said “I can’t go to that church. They all go clubbing”. And he then pointed out that I was a snob. A religious snob.

Yes some churches are dodgy but once you’ve been to a church who’s doing right, you should be able to differentiate one that’s dodgy and one that’s really for God.

I became so religious that I wasn’t going to church for the right reasons anymore. I was going not only for the social aspect but because it became a habit. It became something I did because I ‘had to’.

That’s the worst time to be a Christian, when you become super judgy of everyone and everything.

Yes the bible says (paraphrasing) you shouldn’t judge others as God is the judge. But it also says you (Christians) should judge others unless you are doing the same thing you are judging others for then you have no right to judge.

I knew this. So I made it my mission not to judge others who were doing the same as me but I found another way to judge other so-called Christians.

And one of those ways was music.

Secular music is the devils music!

– Every older Christian ever!!

I know some secular music can be quite vulgar with a lot of swear words and talking about sex, drugs and all that jazz but there are some that has no vulgar words, is super clean and most likely about love.

As a singer-songwriter, and at the time Christian, I couldn’t decide if I was even allowed to write songs about love and how I was feeling, without including God or my relationship with him.

I didn’t even know if I could listen to one of my favourite contemporary musicians Hollyn because she sang Christian songs but she also sang love songs.

I played her music one time to someone from the church and they said “I don’t listen to that kind of music, I don’t think they’re proper Christians. Can never tell if they’re talking about God or not”

Another time someone said “Lecrae just said he doesn’t want to be classed as a gospel singer!” The horror!! Obviously I felt offended too. Why doesn’t he want to be classed as a gospel singer? Is he a sinner now?!

But I get it now. Not being limited to just one category/genre. The ability to sing songs that are about God and songs that aren’t just don’t go against your faith. He’s just a singer.

When I did my Interview with Rejoice I asked her how her song Enough clinked in with her relationship with God. And this was her response:

I’ll experience heartbreak, I’m still a christian, but I’ll write a song about heartbreak because that’s something that’s very relevant to me. Even in saying that, my relationship with God is very much present in most of the songs I write.

Just because a singer says they’re Christian but sings songs that are about anything other than God (within reason obviously) does not mean they’re not Christian.

As mentioned, at this moment I don’t class myself as a Christian because I feel like I don’t meet that standard and I haven’t felt that way since March. It doesn’t stop me from believing in God, because I still do. But what I’m going to tell you is

If you are a Christian, don’t lose yourself. Don’t become religious.

Jefferson Bethke once wrote a spoken word and titled it

Hate religion, love Jesus.

(It’s on YouTube). And it makes the most sense.

I recently had a catch up with a friend of mine and he said to me:

Let God’s word be God’s word, not churches word. God before everything, even church.

Don’t forget the church is just the people, so yes God before church.

So …

Resolution

For 2019 I will put God before everything the way I used to before I became religious.

For 2019 I’m going to hate religion and love Jesus. And try not to lose myself.

For 2019 I’m going to write more songs about how I’m feeling and not feel confused on whether I’m ‘allowed’ to write how I feel whether God is written in it or not.

Because at the end of the day I pray before I write therefore God is 100% present in the things I write. After all, it is He who gave me this gift in the first place.

And like the begining and the end of every Nollywood movie

To God be the Glory

And that’s all she wrote folks …

F A R I E L L E. N