Day 9: Stop. Breathe. Think

Inhale.

Exhale.

You ever stress so much that you just can’t breathe sometimes?

Like you can’t find your keys and you’re late for work, so you’re running around the house trying to find your keys in a hurry and you’re panicking to the point you get super frustrated and feel like the day is ruined and all of these thoughts are just running through your head and you can’t seem to stop them?!!

When these situations occur, the blood boiling, shorter breath, kind of situations you need to realise that this is how you’re feeling and react in a positive way.

Stop. Breathe. Think.

Something I find helps me a lot because I’m a natural stress head.

It’s not good for your health to be frustrated constantly, it’s bad for your heart, your blood pressure, all sorts!

These are the things I like to do when I’m angry, frustrated, bloods boiling and my breath is near enough to nonexistent:

Move away from the situation! That could be leaving the room to go elsewhere, if it’s someone, or something in that room, that’s making you feel that way, or leaving the library if it’s an assignment. Or even going on a bathroom or tea/coffee break if you’re at work. (If you’re allowed to do that).

That being said if it is someone who made you mad, go cool off elsewhere then come back when you’re not heated and talk about the situation. Not in a way that will make everything heated again though, because you’re just playing yourself. Just make sure the problem is 100% solved.

Don’t want to think everything is fine when you’re actually angry deep down.

Go for a walk! I love going for walks in general, it’s good exercise and the fresh air is great especially when you’re feeling negative emotions. But if you can go somewhere with great scenery. Makes you appreciate life a bit more.

For example, I live not too far from a country park, sometimes I go and walk around there, or for photography of the nature there, or feed the ducks (yes I’m that person [also don’t feed ducks bread please, you are killing them. Feed them wheat/corn/oats instead, it’s healthier for them, thanks]).

This just takes your mind off the situation that made you angry and you calm down.

Count to 10! Inhale … exhale .. 1 … repeat. That’s how you should count. Again because your concentrating on your breathing and the counting, you don’t have time to think about what you were mad about anymore.

Listen to calming music! For me it helps sometimes. I think instrumentals helps a little bit more than songs with lyrics because sometimes they can reflect how you’re feeling and just make you feel worse. Or sometimes you just want to think but can’t concentrate before of the words.

Do yoga! If you can. Don’t get angry and start doing yoga in a Costa or Starbucks, although Starbucks might love it, it’s probably best to do it in the right environment. But yoga is so calming, not gonna lie. Feel like a whole new person after yoga.

Plus you spend about 20 minutes trying to figure out how to do some next poses your body may not be used to, you’re not even angry anymore.

And lastly…

Just breathe. I have a few meditation apps (exploring which ones best for me) and it’s all about controlling your breathing, thinking about your breathing and calming yourself.

It’s similar to the counting but you have someone talking in the background with a calming voice, every so often.

I always feel better after meditation. Like a weight has been lifted, once my eyes reopen.

This went from resolutions for me that you could also use, to self-help guides, haha!

Anyway, I hope you’re all getting something from this series so far.

With that being said,

That’s all she wrote

F A R I E L L E. N

Day 2: Self-Love

It’s ok not to be ok.

I’ve written this in a previous blog, The Art of Pretending [<– it’s highlighted meaning it’s a link, click and read it!], and I’ve posted a picture of the quote on my Instagram page [might as well go follow that too].

I really do wish I took the advice I gave to others and applied it to my own life.

I know it’s ok not to be ok but boy do I just stuff everything in my Pandora’s Trunk.

I’m a giver. A carer. I give and I care for everyone else but myself, leaving me just so .. bleh, and I’m only just beginning to notice.

I realised it a lot this year when I gave so much to everyone and everything, leaving me drained and malnourished mentally and emotionally.

And through doing that I had become self-destructive.

So, imagine being in self-destruct mode, not even trying to find time for your own well-being because you think you’re fine and on top of that, pouring everything you have into everyone else!

Bloody hell! Who else felt drained just reading that? I did.

Self love is (ref: google definitions)

to regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.

That means focusing on you and your needs!! Not your neighbour, or your friends, or your gran (although I’m sure you love her very much), just focusing on you.

I haven’t done any of that until probably about August when it finally clicked! I started focusing on myself, on my own needs and what needed to be met for my own well-being and happiness to be at its ultimate level. And I got it half right.

Lesson:

I learnt that I need to continue to focus more on my inner needs that stimulate me emotionally, as I’ve only focused on the mental side of my well-being.

I’ve learnt that need to have more love and respect for myself the same way I do for those I help.

I’ve learnt that blogging, singing, songwriting, and being all-round creative helps me express my feeling and helps me emotionally. Which is my way of self love because it focuses on me.

Resolution:

For 2019 I’m going to read more. Not just to increase my knowledge, but when I was younger reading always relaxed me and made me feel better. So I decided to make a reading list (hope I stick to it).

For 2019 the books I’ll be reading for pleasure are books written by coloured women. I’ll also be reading self help books because it’s always nice to know new techniques on how to help yourself, which is what I need.

But resolutions don’t need to start in January. I’ve already bought my two books I’m going to read. And I’m super excited to start reading them.

Also, I’m going to take better care of myself. Eat better, drink more water, because during self destruct mode I’ve gained a really unhealthy relationship with Coka-Cola, and I want to work out. I want to do skincare routines like those other people.

Oh and yoga! I already love doing yoga but going it more consistently is a must.

Self love for me is for me to open up to myself more. To respect and love myself before I help others. As a wise person once told me

Having self love is selfless, because how can you bring someone up when you can’t even bring yourself up?

So that’s what I’m going to do to show myself some love. What are you gunna do?

Whatever you do just remember to

love and respect yourself the same way you do to others.

Stay tuned for day 3!!

That’s all she wrote …

F A R I E L L E. N

The Art of Pretending …

“I’m ok”, “I’m fine”, “nothings up”.

Don’t know about you guys but I use those phrases a lot when I don’t want people to know how I’m really feeling. I say it with the biggest smile on my face, and keep talking like everything’s ok. Laughing at everyone’s jokes when I actually want to sit down in the corner and have a really good cry instead. “I’m fine”, the response used when I’m actually feeling crap.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out” is what I say but I actually don’t even know how I’m going to figure this out.

The art of pretending is something I’m actually quite good at, and let’s face it majority of us are experts in the art of pretending. I call it an art because to be able to hide your true feelings, laugh and joke about and be ‘yourself’ is an art and it’s something you have to practice a lot.

People who are good at the art of pretending often tend to have depression. In the UK alone 1 in 6 people report that they have a mental health problem, such as depression, anxiety etc, (Mind, 2017) and that’s only from people who have not gone to the doctors and have gotten it clinically diagnosed. Imagine how many more have felt ‘down’ all the time and have not gone to the doctors.

Using the words from World Metal Health Awareness Day (10.10.18) it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to want to cry. It’s ok to want to talk to someone about your problem. You don’t have to be the master artist in pretending.

In 2017 there was a total of 5,821 suicides within the UK (Office of National Statistics, 2017). People who commit suicide majority of the time know the art of pretending very well. You’ll hear family and friends say “they were fine, happy and smiling, I don’t understand why they would do this. I wish they had spoken to me about it”. It’s a shame because I wish they were open about it and found someone to talk to about their problems. What’s a bigger shame is sometimes they had spoken to people about their problems but the pressure of whatever they were dealing with was too much for them.

No one wants to lose a loved one, especially by any sort of unexpected death, such as suicide.

From a master in the art of pretending I urge you to be open and to not pretend anymore because it’s killing us from the inside.

Remember you’re not alone.

It’s ok to not be ok and to be open …

F A R I E L L E . N