Day 12: Fear … less

Happy New Years you all!! ❤️🥳✨

I hope you’ve all entered the New Year with better intentions, more exciting plans and a positive attitude.

I know I have.

This has been an eventful series, might do more of these.

I enjoyed sharing and seeing what you guys thought about them.

After all that has been written in this series they were all leading to this. The real inspiration for this series.

I had enough of overthinking everything and missing out, enough of being in the same position constantly. All of the things that I spoke about were based on fears.

One most potent fear was never being enough.. for others.

I was always trying to do my best for other people, barely ever myself until this year when I had enough of that stupid mentality I have!

For 2019 I am going to fear less, and do what I want to do because I want to do it!

For 2019 I want us all to fear less and be our wonderful selves without worrying what other people are going to think about you. It’s not about them.

It’s all about you!

Go live that life of yours to the fullest!

And this concludes my 12 Days of New Years Resolutions! I honestly had so much fun writing them.

I pray for everything wonderful to come your way this year, good luck on all of your future endeavours. I love you all!!

That’s all she wrote

F A R I E L L E N.

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Day 11: Best of 2018

Boy … 2018.

What a year it’s been. Truthfully? It wasn’t the best year but whilst sorrow was hovering around me happiness found its way through every now and again. These are my 2018 best bits.

1. I went all natural!! Cut my hair so I’m still in love with it. ❤️ I just need to it grow a bit longer, I have a goal.

2. I got a nose piercing! It didn’t last long because it kept getting caught on my glasses and I didn’t know how to put it back on 😔 that was kind of a sad/irritating week for me.

3. I was finally brave enough to cry coloured hair! I had blue and later purple extensions that I bought from @shopcatface and they were gawj, definitely going to look at different colours for next year.

4. I went on a summer holiday with my family to Mallorca 🇪🇸. A holiday where for the first time ever we were tourists and did not have to visit anyone whilst there. (My brother was there too but never really there when we were taking pics)

5. I started my blog … again. I did start one before a few years back but I never continued it, too afraid of the outcome I guess. But so far so good.

6. I went to my first gig!! Will always be the highlight of my November. That, the Lauryn Hill concert and …

7. I did my first interview with the woman who was my first gig experience!! Make sure you read my blog, Rejoice The Interview, for a snippet of the interview. Video coming soon.

9. Unto us a child was born. Ivy Sakeena Sangwa. It’s been over a month and I still haven’t met you. Well new year, new interactions I guess.

8. I bought my first Christmas tree 🎄!! I’ve lived in this house for 2yrs and 4 months and I finally have a tree. Here’s to more things in my house.

10. Well … 10 gave me happiness all throughout the year and kept me going. 10 is something I shall be keeping to myself. A little bit of mystery. Lol!

I’ve never done this before but I’ve assigned a song to my year but I think Hollyn’s Horizon definitely was my song of the year.

She’s a good contemporary gospel artist I recommend her for sure.

I hope you all have a great New Years, stay safe and stay tuned for the last blog of this series 😔. It’s been a good run.

Happy New Years 🥳🥳!!

Sending you all my love,

That’s all she wrote,

F A R I E L L E N.

Day 8: Be The Perfect Wife

A cook. A cleaner. And a Sex Symbol. These are the ingredients chosen to create the perfect wife …

Just kidding.

Now that I’ve got your attention …

I’ve been on this earth for like what? 22 years. And since I can remember being in love, finding the one, having a great job, getting married and having kids, has always been the goal for women.

So through watching all these movies telling us that being the perfect wife is a goal, TV shows giving advice on finding the one, with marriage and kids being the end goal, sometimes us women can focus more on how to be this ‘perfect wife’ for a man we may not have even met yet.

Which leads to us spending less time perfecting ourselves, for the person we’ve known since the day we came into this world.

Ourselves.

Not only do we see this on our tv’s, social media and the internet, we hear it in church.

I was talking to a friend of mine about this whole thing. We spoke about how in churches the topic of marriage is spoken about more than being single.

I understand the benefits of marriage, what it can bring, both the growth and struggles, it’s spoken about often enough that I feel like I could write an assignment on it.

I’m not against marriage, I actually do want to get married in the future but it’s not my focus right now. My focus is my singleness.

But it’s all

Loving God, living for God, being good with money and marriage.

Can we just have a discussion about

Loving God, living for God, being good with money, being single and enjoying it, a bit more instead of talking about how to reach marriage?

What’s the point of having more conversations about marriage when majority, if not all of us, are single?

And what if there are people who don’t want to get married at all?

Why is singleness still a taboo? Why are we trying to be the perfect wife for someone else?

I think that we should try to become the perfect wife for ourselves.

Become the best version of yourself, for yourself.

Not for the random Joe you’re not even dating yet.

And in turn the right person will come eventually, but don’t even focus on who’s coming. Think about what you want and like because you’re here right now. Til death do you part.

You’re currently in one of the best times of your life!

You’re young. You’re single. You are free!!

You don’t have to consult anyone, but your job, when you’re going on holiday!

You don’t have to ask if the holiday is good for you and another party. It’s just you right now.

You don’t have to think about who’s going to babysit the little one when you’re going out for dinner for a few hours.

Do what you want to do, when you want to do it. No one is stopping you but yourself.

You should be living your best life!!

You’ve always wanted to go Paris? No one wants to/can come? Go man!! Do it alone.

You’ve always wanted to teach English in another country? Go do it!

You’ve always wanted to live in a different country for a year? My love, the world is literally your oyster,

carpe mundo sanguinum, babe!

(Seize the bloody world).

Take this from me.

You are your own best friend, learn to love yourself and be the perfect person for yourself because at the end of the day, all you have is yourself.

From the words of Jeannie Mai, myself and my friend

There is no one, you are the one.

And that’s all she wrote.

F A R I E L L E. N

Day 6: Rejoice

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals🎄!!

This interview happened like a month ago but it’s Christmas, might as well give you a present.

HERE YOU GO!!

You know when you see someone on social media and you imagine how they’ll be in real life? Rejoice met my expectation.

Rejoice is a 24 year old singer from Manchester. She was born in Zimbabwe, came here at the age of 9. She studied Psychology as her undergrad and Forensic Psychology for her masters. And she has one of the most beautiful souls that I’ve ever met.

I wanted to interview Rejoice because of three reasons:

  1. She has an amazing name. Rejoice. To feel or show great joy or delight. Which I feel she does do. Immediately upon meeting Rejoice she was smiling like nobody’s business.

2. Her voice is amazing. Like … have you still not heard her song Repair and Try Again? Go listen and download now, you sillies.

3. And lastly … I wanted to see if I my expectations of her were right. They were.

So that’s why I wanted to do the interview.

Now, here’s the interview. **oh btw I is me and R is Rejoice.

I: Growing up, who would you have said is your musical influence?

R: When I was young I grew up listening to Brenda Fasi, a South African artist. But I’d say that my biggest musical influence now, someone I’ve listened to the longest, is Tory Kelly.

I: You sang one of her songs at your gig.

R: Yes! I sang Day Dream. Not only do I appreciate her as a singer/songwriter, but also as a person too. It’s a big thing for me when listening to music.

I tend to fall in love with all of what they are.

I: Before the gig where else have you performed?

R: I’ve performed in and out of Manchester. Different kind of events. ACS Events, but I never put anything out although I got to network … I do love being on stage because I get to share, not just the song but the vibe.

I: Leading up to the event, were you nervous?

R: I had fear and anxiety throughout the whole process. I sat on my bed with my phone in my hand, breathing [deeply] thinking “there’s no going back now”. I was terrified.

I: Now that the gig is done, how do you feel?

R: I feel better. Great about it … Can’t stop thinking about it, I’m so proud of myself.

I: What made you finally share your music with everyone?

R: I felt like I was sitting on something that was special to me and I should be sharing it.

We’re our biggest hindrance because you have so much self doubt, but you have something you should be sharing that’s not just for you. But you’re holding back.

I thought “if I get to 30 [years old] and I haven’t given it everything I can, it would be my biggest regret.

I: If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be?

R: Tori Kelly without a doubt in my body!

I: How do you feel about people enjoying your music?

R: It feels great and amazing. Especially from people I don’t know … It makes the difficult part of doing this so worth it!

. . .

So there you have it folks. A quick snippet into Rejoice’s interview.

You might be thinking “but Farielle, this isn’t a resolution.”

Well babe, it is a resolution, just one too personal I’m gunna keep it to myself.

My interview with Rejoice really triggered a few things in me, inspirationally. How? That’s what I’m going to keep to myself.

And that’s all she wrote, folks.

F A R I E L L E. N

Day 3: Identity Crisis

I’m 22. And it’s normal for me to sometimes question who I am, what makes me happy and what I really want to do.

I went through this weird identity crisis around this time last year, but due to being too busy to notice why I constantly felt drained and down, it only dawned on me when everything had died down.

During this time I was going through an identity crisis, as you do in your early 20’s, and I tried to find myself again not knowing I was putting my everything into everyone, and not having enough of ‘me’ for myself (go back and read Self Love blog).

I had to find myself any way that felt like me ‘doing what I wanted to do’ because I thought that this was me knowing who I was.

I’ll tell you it’s, been hard because I really didn’t know exactly how to get out of it and I thought I was going crazy. I though “people don’t go through these crisis until their in the 40’s, why me? Why now??”

So obviously, if you know me you know I like learning and researching when I have questions, (the psychology degree is making more sense now). So I googled!

Apparently it’s a thing, but not until the age of 25 years of age. The questions/statements I read on Independent correlated with what I was feeling.

What is my purpose? And how the hell do I figure that out?!! I want to explore the world but I need a good paying job and get my career going! What the hell do I do???

God gave us a purpose but doesn’t mean we immediately know what it is or how to get there. We have to do some major soul searching!

So after a lot of praying, conversations with a few people and a lot of googling, I was walking to the bus stop after doing an overnight shift when it randomly dawned on me what I really wanted to do. “Well it’s about bloody time”

Obviously I still have to figure out how to get there, how to travel and still have a good paying job, which now saying it out loud seems near enough impossible, but anything is possible.

Lesson:

Through this I learnt that … I’m boring. I had no hobbies! It was church, work, uni, work, church, maybe a hang out here or there and the cycle continued. I didn’t really have a life.

I learnt that because my life was boring with no hobbies, I waiting on peoples hobbies or for people to come and do things with me, but we all know that most of the time that means it never happens.

I learnt I need to grab life by the balls and go for things I want to do if people can come or not. Sometimes I don’t need to ask if anyone wants to ‘come with’ on my next venture.

Resolutions:

For 2019, I did come up with these myself but I also saw it on a Forbes article online. Here are the three that I feel like resonate with me.

Be creative! I’ve already mentioned how I’d be doing that on the day 2: self love.

To stop pleasing others! I don’t need to get validation from others to feel like I’m doing something right. What I need to realise is the life I have within myself and not look for it in others. Hence the ‘go for things I want to do’. I’d put that in the lessons section too.

Trying new things! The other month I went dancing! I enjoyed it so much but with uni I haven’t been able to go back but I do plan on continuing. I already have a list of things I want to try doing which makes 2019 even more exciting!!

So far this whole 12 days thing is going well. I’m enjoying sharing, I just hope people are finding some sort of relatability what I’ve written.

Until the next blog mates…

That’s all she wrote …

F A R I E L L E. N

Day 2: Self-Love

It’s ok not to be ok.

I’ve written this in a previous blog, The Art of Pretending [<– it’s highlighted meaning it’s a link, click and read it!], and I’ve posted a picture of the quote on my Instagram page [might as well go follow that too].

I really do wish I took the advice I gave to others and applied it to my own life.

I know it’s ok not to be ok but boy do I just stuff everything in my Pandora’s Trunk.

I’m a giver. A carer. I give and I care for everyone else but myself, leaving me just so .. bleh, and I’m only just beginning to notice.

I realised it a lot this year when I gave so much to everyone and everything, leaving me drained and malnourished mentally and emotionally.

And through doing that I had become self-destructive.

So, imagine being in self-destruct mode, not even trying to find time for your own well-being because you think you’re fine and on top of that, pouring everything you have into everyone else!

Bloody hell! Who else felt drained just reading that? I did.

Self love is (ref: google definitions)

to regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.

That means focusing on you and your needs!! Not your neighbour, or your friends, or your gran (although I’m sure you love her very much), just focusing on you.

I haven’t done any of that until probably about August when it finally clicked! I started focusing on myself, on my own needs and what needed to be met for my own well-being and happiness to be at its ultimate level. And I got it half right.

Lesson:

I learnt that I need to continue to focus more on my inner needs that stimulate me emotionally, as I’ve only focused on the mental side of my well-being.

I’ve learnt that need to have more love and respect for myself the same way I do for those I help.

I’ve learnt that blogging, singing, songwriting, and being all-round creative helps me express my feeling and helps me emotionally. Which is my way of self love because it focuses on me.

Resolution:

For 2019 I’m going to read more. Not just to increase my knowledge, but when I was younger reading always relaxed me and made me feel better. So I decided to make a reading list (hope I stick to it).

For 2019 the books I’ll be reading for pleasure are books written by coloured women. I’ll also be reading self help books because it’s always nice to know new techniques on how to help yourself, which is what I need.

But resolutions don’t need to start in January. I’ve already bought my two books I’m going to read. And I’m super excited to start reading them.

Also, I’m going to take better care of myself. Eat better, drink more water, because during self destruct mode I’ve gained a really unhealthy relationship with Coka-Cola, and I want to work out. I want to do skincare routines like those other people.

Oh and yoga! I already love doing yoga but going it more consistently is a must.

Self love for me is for me to open up to myself more. To respect and love myself before I help others. As a wise person once told me

Having self love is selfless, because how can you bring someone up when you can’t even bring yourself up?

So that’s what I’m going to do to show myself some love. What are you gunna do?

Whatever you do just remember to

love and respect yourself the same way you do to others.

Stay tuned for day 3!!

That’s all she wrote …

F A R I E L L E. N

The Art of Pretending …

“I’m ok”, “I’m fine”, “nothings up”.

Don’t know about you guys but I use those phrases a lot when I don’t want people to know how I’m really feeling. I say it with the biggest smile on my face, and keep talking like everything’s ok. Laughing at everyone’s jokes when I actually want to sit down in the corner and have a really good cry instead. “I’m fine”, the response used when I’m actually feeling crap.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out” is what I say but I actually don’t even know how I’m going to figure this out.

The art of pretending is something I’m actually quite good at, and let’s face it majority of us are experts in the art of pretending. I call it an art because to be able to hide your true feelings, laugh and joke about and be ‘yourself’ is an art and it’s something you have to practice a lot.

People who are good at the art of pretending often tend to have depression. In the UK alone 1 in 6 people report that they have a mental health problem, such as depression, anxiety etc, (Mind, 2017) and that’s only from people who have not gone to the doctors and have gotten it clinically diagnosed. Imagine how many more have felt ‘down’ all the time and have not gone to the doctors.

Using the words from World Metal Health Awareness Day (10.10.18) it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to want to cry. It’s ok to want to talk to someone about your problem. You don’t have to be the master artist in pretending.

In 2017 there was a total of 5,821 suicides within the UK (Office of National Statistics, 2017). People who commit suicide majority of the time know the art of pretending very well. You’ll hear family and friends say “they were fine, happy and smiling, I don’t understand why they would do this. I wish they had spoken to me about it”. It’s a shame because I wish they were open about it and found someone to talk to about their problems. What’s a bigger shame is sometimes they had spoken to people about their problems but the pressure of whatever they were dealing with was too much for them.

No one wants to lose a loved one, especially by any sort of unexpected death, such as suicide.

From a master in the art of pretending I urge you to be open and to not pretend anymore because it’s killing us from the inside.

Remember you’re not alone.

It’s ok to not be ok and to be open …

F A R I E L L E . N